Hey Readers!

2010-09-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

i've moved moved moved. cause blogger sucks! cant even work on my phone. seeee youuu! (:

http://reminisce-remember-treasure-me.tumblr.com/

2010-09-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

its 22nd september. exactly one more month to my birthday. which also means 30 days to olevel. i'm really very nervous and worried. need your support. ): hmmms..... i'm now thinking of 100 things to do after olevel! and one of them includes an outing with YOU! so happy! rofl. happyhappy! btw, anyone any ideas? =D i'm only at 20? ): gahhhhh!! teeeheees! hope my 100 things can motivate me to strive harder for olevel.

i must not get complacent. i must not go too easy on myself. i must work hard. my head cannot grow too big. i must continue to work even harder for olevels! just only a few little marks will cause me to drop to a B or C or even a D. so, i must continue to jiayou! continue to study and revise!

sweet sixteen this year. my hopes are unusually high and i dont know why. what if..... it turns out disastrous again? what if..... its nothing this year. what if it turns sour? i dont want. there are so many things that i want this year but will i get it? will i be able to celebrate my birthday this year? 70% no. cause of stupid olevel. will my birthday this year be sweet? or like......... 2 years back? another heatbreak? another nightmare?

today received s.s, emaths and english. sorry. i dont mean to be mean to the people who didn't do well. but i'm really happy i scored well. unexpectedly, the paper that i cried in got an a2. really stun. i thought i didn't do well cause i blanked out last minute. but really, i'm so happy. english was also whoa. all i can say is this 2 papers really shocked me. but i'm sure my history will pull my s.s. down. awwwwww.... ):

nevermind. beverley! smile smile! (:
the feeling is weak but i know i do like you. ^^

2010-09-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

finally, i'm ready. (: just hope everything will turn out well. so excited to show you everything you know! UGHHHH! control! lols! =D i really really hope you will like it manxsz. teeeheees! love you lahhh! (:

why do i have a feeling everything is going to change again?

2010-09-20T04:08:00.000-07:00

i'll never be able to get rid of that stupid feeling. i'll remember my dearest country but leave these stupid memories behind. i want to be somewhere else. totally new. where i dont know anyone. start afresh. am i still running away from the problem? but the fact is, i really haven't found someone whom i can share anything and everything anytime, anywhere. someone whom i wont feel 不好意思 at all. i had once. but i lost it. then i thought i had another but then i was too naive. why would someone so popular like you need me as a best friend? i really dont know....

shit amaths and physics today. first 2 papers that i sleep. totally feel like giving up.

hate myself. hate you. hate school. hate friendships. hate heartbreaks. hate my life.

2010-09-19T07:22:00.000-07:00

gahhhh! ): so bad! i totally never study AT ALL. (: had a fun day today! hari raya house visiting was thumbs up. night scenery with my family was woots! love it! i'm going to sleep! NOT STUDYING! but thennnnnnn..... amaths and physics... HOW?! ): oh whatever! =P

i dont know what to say.......

2010-09-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

'After going one big round, its still you' isn't it a bit too late to say all that? yes. i want our friendship back badly but i'l never be able to forget and you'll never know the nights i spent curled up on my bed crying over our friendship, our arguments, our happy memories.. things to be like the past? i also want. but you just walked out of my life and i have to face all those memories alone but now, you wanna be back again? once bitten, twice shy. i dont know how to continue this friendship from where we left off, pretending nothing of those heartbreaking stuff happened.

i'm a little not over you.... this is real bad.

2010-09-16T07:39:00.000-07:00

yay yay yay! we're going to watch movie! so excited for prelims to hurry end! =D omg!

haiish! i dont know. sensei say i'm improving but i feel i'm getting lousier. its like i'm stucked and not improving. so sad. how how how! what to do? i wanna improve i wanna improve! I WANT TO IMPROVE!!!!! ): happyhappy.

2010-09-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

its one of the things i love about you. ^^

P.O.A. was. ugh. so damn freaking many qns i dont know how to do. stupid cost of goods sold. gah gah gah! ): p.o.a. sucks.

teehees. you make me smile so widely when i saw your sms. wahahahahahahahahahas! but end up you angry. ): sorry.

not planning to study for eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee maths! lols! i'm going for aikido to RELAX! XDXD yay yay yay!

2010-09-15T04:52:00.000-07:00

P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A. P.O.A.

): shit you! dont care then dont care lah. thats why, i'll never understand you. aren't you happy now? so many people are randomly smsing me but not you. so many but not you you you!!! i want your sms! waiting for yours yours yours. please dont waste my time time time time time time time!

aiyah! beverley! buck up! pull up your socks. dont care! studyyyyyyy!

2010-09-15T01:05:00.000-07:00

Amaths is one word. shit. chem is okay, hope to get at least a B4? awwww.... beverley!
so many problems and things on my mind. turn turn turn. spin spin spin. think think think.
headache!

STUDY STUDY STUDY!

2010-09-14T00:45:00.000-07:00

is going to the swing alone considered idiotic?
well, then i'm a idiot. cause i went to the swing and played alone under the hot hot sun. swing swing swing! swing away all the problems and headaches that i have. i dont want to fret about anything. nothing please. go away away away! far away! ):
S.S. Prelims was like SHIT manxsz! i totally suck ttm. all 3 qns are topics that i've studied and expected it to come out. when i saw the 3 qns, i was happy like mad. but when i really started doing it. eff shit. i seem to remember nothing. no recollection of the content in my head at all. i just stared at the 3 qns and stunned for 4 whole mins. wth. depending on my SBQ which sucks.
tomorrow's chemistry.......... dont know can remember anot.
i'm okay i'm okay. but actually i'm really not.
you see me smiling but you dont know the number of things that i have weighing my mind constantly. i really cant stand it already.

2010-09-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

Stress Stress Stress!

never felt this way before. i cant get a single thing into my head. i cant say that i've studied because my head is blank. but i cant say that i didn't study cause i did spend hours trying to revise the content. this is total nuts. hate it to the max. feel like crying. what will happen to S.S paper tomorrow? blank blank blank.

i wish i had some encouragement. i think i really need it badly. sucks ttm. i got no motivation at all. all i have is distractions. shit everything lah.

the disappointment haven't gone away. why why why? shucks!

like i said, i dont have the determination to not use the com. ): x10000000000 haiish! nevermind. i just wont use msn.

ready for the exams? NO

2010-09-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

after today, i'm going to put everything down and start all over again.
from 13th September onwards,
i wont use the com anymore.
i'll just try to study real hard.
thats what i can try to say. its very hard to act out. but i'll still try my very best.
dont ask me how i'm feeling.
cause i'm totally feeling not alright.
from the start i knew confessing was all wrong. but i never knew you would be looking here. if only i had known.
everything is so fishing irritating. now we cant even talk properly.
no use already. the only way out now is to try and avoid.

2010-09-12T01:15:00.001-07:00

falling in love with your best friend is the worst thing to do on earth. i must be totally stupid to spoil my friendship like that. i dont want things to turn out this way. i'm really worried for you.

2010-09-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

sorry sorry sorry sorry! dont be angry please. ):

2010-09-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

you know i know. now what. i dont like it now. everything's so tense.

2010-09-11T08:50:00.001-07:00

DANGSXZ! i dont know so many people reads THIS blog. gahhh! i wanna drop dead right now.

2010-09-10T06:09:00.000-07:00

gah gah gah gah! today's WOW chase was WOW! a pity i was sick. but that was quite an advantage too ^^ our group wasn't caught by any bad bad station masters at all cause they were nice to let us off a little cause i was dragging everyone down because i couldn't run. lols! but end up, i still fell down twice and vomited twice. what is this!! ughhhhh! ): anyway, it was fun lah. (: WOW!

2010-09-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

spent 3 hours doing it.. hope you girls like it. ^^

okay. now about some freaking pissing off stuffs.
you stupid idiot. cant you see that i like you? you suck you know.
you can make me smile to a screen like an idiot when i talk to you on fb and msn.
even though its childish, its a little fun to poke you on fb.
you're the first person i think of now when i'm not feeling fine.
you give me a huge headache cause i dont know what you want at all.
you make me guess and guess and guess.
you can make me forget all the frustrating stuffs when we talk.
i'm lucky that i didn't confess and i wont.
lucky that i'm not nuts to do so.
i give up.
i'm going to avoid you and if you want to change anything, you'll have to make the first move. if not, you wait till november lorh. wait till you happy. wait till i feel like talking to you. wait till i forget you.
i really dont know leh. are you flirting with me or what? seriously lorh. your words....
UGH! i'm not talking to you anymore.
i like you but i know if we're together, it wont turn out well because the way we treat relationship is totally different. So no matter what, i wont harbour any thoughts anymore.

its either people are getting complicated or i'm getting more stupid. i really dont understand you all you know and its making me go mad mad mad. I'd rather everything was like a year back, when we dont know much about each other yet. when our friendship was still starting. when everything was still pure, crystal clear. then our friendship now would not have been so complicated and i wouldn't be so frustrated thinking of how to communicate properly with you, what you are thinking and why are you doing all this. do you even treat us as your friends?

2010-09-08T04:22:00.000-07:00

hows studies peeps! are you all studying real hard? lols! cause i did today! (: so proud of myself. lalalalala! (: prelims are coming! so scary! awwwww...... nevermind! i can do it! teeeeheeeees! i hope saturday, sunday and monday can be like today! hope high up! ^^

awwww.... i miss lee, fairlady & table partner. ): sobs sobs. you girls will joke joke with me tomorrow right? ): x1000000000000000000

2010-09-07T02:27:00.000-07:00

NUTS.
one word to describe everything currently.
i am nuts. its nuts trying to study, its nuts studying, its nuts using the computer. etc.etc.etc.
depends on what kind of nuts only. good or bad. (:
and i'm like still sick. when will recover??????? its stupid to have mild illnesses because you cant be in bed resting and you're tortured by all the headaches and flu.
i'm just really curious, wondering why i cant concentrate. seriously! it sucks manxsz!
cant concentrate, then i start turning on the com to use facebook and blog hop. and what did i realise? facebook is so not updated everyone is like a little not in to facebook? and blogs not updated. what is this?! i'm like the only one slacking lah. wah liao! all busy studying. ESPECIALLY LYDIA TAN & TAN MEI YEE! confirm one. this 2 chiongster. make me feel so...... so..... lousy lah! aiyoyo! i'm stress i admit. but i'm not stress with studying. i'm stress with mild little things like - why i cant study, why i cant concentrate. stupid leh! i seriously, really, need someone to scold me. i totally need a lecture. one that can make me cry and start studying real hard. which is kind of a little impossible? cause sometimes, there are things to factor in. like when, who, how. yep. so. i'm nuts!

2010-09-01T05:16:00.000-07:00

Boo! did i scare you?! =D bwahahhhhaaaaaahas! (: i was too foolish yesterday. gahh! now my hand hurts a little. oh well. cheer up! or there will be quite some people coming after me.

finally, i changed my background picture. ^^ my dearest stone family.

always beside me, my TABLE PARTNER

she is LEEdear!

London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down.
London bridge is falling down, my FAIRLADY

50 more days to OLEVEL!

2010-08-31T00:39:00.000-07:00

you broke my heart so thoroughly.
@ 4pm, i took up a pen knife and put it to my wrist, and i pulled it down.
it wasn't a deep cut compared to the open wound in my heart. its like its been pierced through.

i dont have anyone to turn to. taught me to face reality. i put my friends above everything else. they are all that matters. but at the end of the day, they are the ones that hurt me so badly. there's no one i can turn to. no one i can always share things with. no one who will be there for me at the end of the day no matter what.

you idiot,

its all a lie.

and i fell for it so willingly.

you were so wrong. ask yourself, how many times have i showed you my attitude? what nice threat words you have for me. i'll remember them. trust me cause your words were like daggers and it pierced through my heart, opening the wound that i was trying to close. that i thought was already mended. you open it again and you shattered it to bits that i will never be able to pick up and mend again. never ever. i still cherish you and our friendship so much, to a standard you will never know and you just trash my feelings and our friendship to a bottomless pit right in my face. i still remember our memories so clearly and vividly in my head. the way you ask me how am i. the way you console me when i cried or felt down. your facial expressions. its been in my mind like it was yesterday but the day that our friendship broke apart seems more than a year away. the outcome of our friendship is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life. you dont know how much i've cried for you. you dont know how much i think of you. you dont know how much i cherish you and you threw all sorts of things to hurt me right at me. its worst then a breakup with a boy. but then again, would you care? you've got your best friend already. why would you bother about a past tense like me.

finally, today, i saw your true colors. all those lies you told me. you made me see through it today.

when someone breaks your heart so much, you'll never be able to forget what she or he has done. they'll never be able to salvage anything cause your heart towards them is dead.

beverley, even if you have no friends by your side, even if you have to fight everything alone, even if everyone hates you, even if you best friends break your heart, even if you have to cry and weep at a corner by yourself, you're going to face up to all this reality and pull yourself up. you have to be strong no matter what. you have to wake up and understand the cruel facts and take in the crude words of people.

i was writing this post while crying. i shouted, screamed, cried, tears like waterfall. thats how much you broke my heart.

2010-08-29T04:05:00.001-07:00

my dear best friends,
you know,
i dont know how to face you all anymore.
i realised,
for the sake of friendship,
i changed myself drastically.
i've got many things on my mind now and i know somehow,
one way or another i'm irritating you guys a lot.
everybody has their way of doing things and their way of looking at things.
i've tried to blend in with you guys do you know?
in primary sch, i was just some outcast.
i dont like to talk in sch and i stay away from the popular kids.
i dont have many friends because i embrace the quiet life i had.
in the past, i think about all kinds of things.
i think almost everywhere, anywhere, anytime.
thats why, sometimes i will unknowingly fall down or bang into a wall.
its because i'm deep in thoughts.
now, of course i still think as much.
i might be looking like i'm listening but i'm really not at times.
i would either be caught at your previous sentence trying to understand what you're saying or i would be busy thinking about other things.
but what i'm trying to say here,
is that,
the way you behave around me caught me thinking a lot.
you might not know but every single sound you make,
every single stare you give me,
every single glance you throw at me can set me thinking.
i'm the type that is very emotional and hard to get along with.
but because of one word,
friends,
i became what you all know.
and the side of me that you all think is very attitude is actually the real me.
when i'm quiet,
you say i mood swing but actually,
its the real me.
and now,
i'm being more me each day but its not making things for you guys easy.
and you guys are getting unhappy with me each day.
and when i try to be hyper to hide the strong emotions i'm feeling,
i irritate you like mad.
so now, i dont know what to do.
i'm losing my friends and i dont know how to get them back anymore.
its just like i'm losing you and i dont know what to do.

2010-08-17T04:51:00.000-07:00

teehees! i look so RETARDED! duh! lols! OLevel chinese results is tomorrow! ): worried. nervous. scared. petrified. awwwwww......

friends...... what are they?

2010-08-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

HEY! i have something to say! teeehees! to my dearest friends, my heartfelt words for you.

Confessions:

Lydia Tan - Thank you for being there for me when all those nightmares happened. you're the one who helped me out from that pit. thanks for always listening to me cry and listening to my whines and troubles even when its really stupid at times. you're my second best ever friend. thanks alot. and i really hope the what if's that i said wont happen to us cause the relationship between us is like changing a little. and i'll cry for you. hope i dont have expiry date. ):

Michelle Tan - dearest table partner! thanks for always sleeping in class with me! lols! just JOKING! but really, thanks alot for always being beside me, asking if i'm okay when i'm in a bad mood, cheering me up, making me laugh with ALL your retarded jokes! sorry if i'm neglecting you recently cause i think i lost some of my humour genes. sorry lah! but i'll always have a place for you in my heart.

Mei Yee - i know you've always been there quietly for me. you were like a pillar that i can fall on any time cause i know you'll be there. thanks for taking in all the attitude that i gave you and still standby me all the time, always making the effort to ask if i'm okay even when you know you're on top of the volcano.

Geoffrey Sin - Hey retard! thanks for always calling me a retarded huh! but anyway, i'm glad i have a study buddy like you. also, thanks for your long 'counselling' at times when i'm feeling down. thanks for being a part of BMGS. and being my support last year! i'm really thankful for whatever you've done for me and all that 'dont care lah' talks. really TYVM

Jian Xiong - HAH! didn't expect that i will mention you right?! but i cant deny that you change my life a lot. you turned it upside down. lols! in a good way, i suppose. i recently realise, life wasn't boring the past 2 years because i had you. you've always been there for me, like almost anytime but i wasn't satisfied. i wanted every single time. but now, i know i've been too selfish. anyway, thanks a lot alright! you gave me wonderful memories to keep! (:

Gerald See Toh - you're my first guy best friend! and i can tell you anything and everything teehees! thanks a lot! you've been there for me each and every hard times i went through. you're always ready to listen to me whine. without fail, every single time. if i have something i cant say to others, i know i can tell you. you're just like my big brother, always sheltering me from anything and somehow, you just make me feel that my secrets are safe with you. so thank you!

Wei Jian - ummm... thanks for being a great listener. and yea.... i hope you put everything down asap. we'll be great friends! (: talk more lah. stop being like andrew!

Sebastian Phua - thanks for being my twinny once. you've once been an amazing friend. i can share almost everything with you. and i'm really grateful to have you as a friend and grateful i had BMGS with me last year. but now, i dont know what happened to us. your attitude really irritates me a lot now.

Maple Tan - thanks for being my best friend. you gave me many memories to keep. and for you, i've also shed a lot of tears. i know we've tried to get our friendship going again but its not working. even though i dont want to, my mind is shunning away from any memories of you. trying to forget you. the way our friendship turned out really broke my heart. now, all i want to do is just to forget everything. i'm really sorry but i cant remember our memories together. they are all rather blur in my head now. but i believe, after awhile, it will all come back again. when i see you and i dont feel that heartache anymore, i believe thats when we can truly be friends again.

this is still my wallpaper. and whenever i see it, i still feel the heartache. i should really remove it soon. when i can bear to do so.

2010-08-06T07:10:00.000-07:00

HELLO! back here cause you couldn't find me @ http://reminisce-remember-treasure-beverley.blogspot.com ? hahas! cause i've moved again. and i dont want YOU to see it. (: try searching for it. slowly search. slowly ask. wish you good luck then whoever you are. if you find it, good for you. if not. too bad. i can tell you who knows them. Lydia, Mei Yee, Michelle. unless you point a gun at them or else they'll never tell you. there's a way to find out though. teehees. that's if you're smart.

bye....

2010-06-14T07:37:00.000-07:00

Hey Readers! (: hello! you're here! but i'm there! elsewhere! thanks for visiting but i've moved and i'm so not telling you the link. (: ask me if you want. i've decided to leave this link alone cause there are some irritating people around and they're not fit to know whats happening to me. maybe you're one of them. (: bye people! rawls.....

if there is anything you wanna tell me, do comment. i'll be here as often as i can. (: