you broke my heart so thoroughly.
@ 4pm, i took up a pen knife and put it to my wrist, and i pulled it down.
it wasn't a deep cut compared to the open wound in my heart. its like its been pierced through.

i dont have anyone to turn to. taught me to face reality. i put my friends above everything else. they are all that matters. but at the end of the day, they are the ones that hurt me so badly. there's no one i can turn to. no one i can always share things with. no one who will be there for me at the end of the day no matter what.

you idiot,

its all a lie.

and i fell for it so willingly.

you were so wrong. ask yourself, how many times have i showed you my attitude? what nice threat words you have for me. i'll remember them. trust me cause your words were like daggers and it pierced through my heart, opening the wound that i was trying to close. that i thought was already mended. you open it again and you shattered it to bits that i will never be able to pick up and mend again. never ever. i still cherish you and our friendship so much, to a standard you will never know and you just trash my feelings and our friendship to a bottomless pit right in my face. i still remember our memories so clearly and vividly in my head. the way you ask me how am i. the way you console me when i cried or felt down. your facial expressions. its been in my mind like it was yesterday but the day that our friendship broke apart seems more than a year away. the outcome of our friendship is the worst thing that has ever happened to me in my whole entire life. you dont know how much i've cried for you. you dont know how much i think of you. you dont know how much i cherish you and you threw all sorts of things to hurt me right at me. its worst then a breakup with a boy. but then again, would you care? you've got your best friend already. why would you bother about a past tense like me.

finally, today, i saw your true colors. all those lies you told me. you made me see through it today.

when someone breaks your heart so much, you'll never be able to forget what she or he has done. they'll never be able to salvage anything cause your heart towards them is dead.

beverley, even if you have no friends by your side, even if you have to fight everything alone, even if everyone hates you, even if you best friends break your heart, even if you have to cry and weep at a corner by yourself, you're going to face up to all this reality and pull yourself up. you have to be strong no matter what. you have to wake up and understand the cruel facts and take in the crude words of people.

i was writing this post while crying. i shouted, screamed, cried, tears like waterfall. thats how much you broke my heart.